


Loose Ends

by alwaysemmerdale



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-13
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2018-05-25 18:39:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6206158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alwaysemmerdale/pseuds/alwaysemmerdale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As the divorce proceedings begin, Chrissie wants to talk it out with Robert properly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Loose Ends

**Author's Note:**

> So I saw on tumblr a post about how Robert and Chrissie have never properly discussed the affair and I wrote this- sorry I can't remember who posted it!

Robert swung the door open and failed to hide his disappointment when it was Chrissie on the other side and not Aaron as he'd expected.  
"Don't look too excited to see me." Chrissie greeted him with a wry smile: she wasn't even disappointed by his reaction and she felt no bitterness- she was glad to realise that she didn't feel anything for Robert any more, not even hatred as she once had.  
"Oh! Chrissie. Right. Sorry I was expecting... Doesn't matter... Anyway come in."  
Robert gestured for Chrissie to enter and she surveyed Vic's little cottage with a slight look of disdain on her face.  
_'So this is where he's ended up,'_   she thought, images of the grand rooms of Home Farm filling her head.  
"I thought we needed a chat." Chrissie sat on the edge of the small sofa and Robert sat opposite her on the arm of a chair.  
"Um OK. About the divorce? Because I've really just left it to my solicitor..."  
"Robert we're getting divorced but we've never really spoken about.. Well you know, _what you did_."  
Once upon a time Chrissie would have spat those last words, filled with bitterness and disgust at her husband's affair with a _man._  Now she spoke softly, wanting more than anything to understand why her husband threw away everything they had for an affair with the local mechanic. At first she'd been angry- more than angry, she'd been raging, furious, even murderous. Over time those feelings had faded and the space left behind in her head and heart had filled with questions: _was it my fault? Did I push him away? How did I not notice? How many affairs did he have? Did he love Aaron? Did he love me?_  
"Robert I want you to... Explain it to me, that's all... It's not a trick" she added, noting the confusion on his face, "I just want to know."  
"Chrissie are you sure about this? Raking it all up again won't help anyone..."  
"You don't have to spare my feelings, Robert. I just want to understand. I want you to tell me that it wasn't for nothing. Somehow I want to know that it was worth it, that you didn't throw our marriage away on a whim."  
This Robert could understand- he'd had so many chances to end it with Aaron, he could never have started it with Aaron in the first place, yet he took the risk, even though he knew what would happen if it all came crashing down.  
"Where do you want me to start?"  
"From the beginning: Why Aaron? Look I get it, he's a good looking lad I suppose, but why him? Why of all people did you choose the local chav?" This question in particular had haunted Chrissie ever since she'd found out about the affair: _why_   _was Aaron so preferable to me? What did he have that I didn't?_  
"When did you first meet him?" Chrissie settled for asking.  
Robert was relieved: he could answer this question easily since the occasion was imprinted on his memory. He could remember how he'd felt to burst through the barn door and see him, _Aaron,_ with his car. He'd felt angry, of course he had, they'd stolen his car. But more than that he'd felt attracted to the man, intrigued by him. He'd felt lust, definitely lust.  
"He stole my car. Him and Ross Barton stole my car, but I could see that he wasn't the same as Ross."  
"Was it love at first sight then? Let me guess- your eyes locked across the stolen car and you felt yourself swooning for the man in the tracksuit?" One part of Chrissie wanted to laugh in a hysterical way, laugh because everything she thought she knew was wrong. She wanted to laugh because she'd been such a fool. The other part just wanted to cry, but she told Robert to keep talking, she still needed to _know._

> _**I don't negotiate with idiots.**_  
>    
>  _**Really? That's alright then negotiate with me**._

"He hated me at first and I hated that because I found myself wanting his approval. Me wanting, needing someone else's approval? It was a new feeling, a strange one, because I cared about what he thought of me. He was cocky... God he intrigued me I suppose. There I was, threatening to call the police and he was so... Nonchalant, so unperturbed it was like he didn't care what happened to him. I mean he'd just come out of prison and he was breaking the law again? I wanted to know what was in his head." Robert was almost enjoying talking about it now, putting those complicated feelings into words almost helped him to understand his seemingly immediate attraction to Aaron, the attraction that never went away.  
"You sure you want to hear this?"  
"I'm here aren't I? Tell me. Why him?"  
"I guess it was after the robbery when he brought your ring back. Ross stole it and he brought it back... He didn't want anything for it- he did it because he has... morals and that fascinated me. Suddenly he became so much more than a chav or a thug: he became this complex character that I just had to figure out. I wanted to know him."  
"But you just had to have sex with him as well?"  
"I didn't even know he was gay at first. But when he told me..." 

> **_I'll remember that for when I stop being gay, eh?_ **

"Well I was sort of terrified because I knew that... Well me and him could be something, you know? This feeling that I had for him, this feeling that I didn't even want to acknowledge suddenly stopped being an abstract, distant thing, he went from being unattainable to a possibility and I was so scared..."  
"Why did you marry me, Robert?" Chrissie interrupted Robert with another question that had always bothered her: _was it just for the money? Did you really think you could get away with it? Did you not feel guilty?_  
"You know that I met up with him before the wedding, he told you that... One last goodbye he called it..."

> _**Why do you think he was late for your wedding Chrissie? Because he was with me.** _

  
"I told him at the time that we were nothing. I said that it wasn't real and that's how I coped."

> _**This isn't a love story.** _

"I even think that I believed it, you know? But underneath there was a part of me... so deeply buried under who I was trying so hard to be, who I wanted to be, that I could almost ignore it... But that part of me heard his words..." 

> **_Why are you so determined to make this harder than it needs to be?_**
> 
> _**Because I love you, that's why. And I think you feel the same.** _

"A part of me heard his words and told me to _run to him._ A part of me wanted to tell him that I loved him... But you know what I did?"  
Robert found this part of the narrative hard to tell: he didn't like remembering how he'd treated Aaron back then: how the man that needed to be loved, supported, treasured, had been broken down by Robert's cold words.  
"I made him cry. I watched as his heart broke and I tried not to care. I didn't want to care, but my God I did and I hated myself for it..." What came after, the arrival of Katie and the horrors that followed, Robert wouldn't, couldn't tell Chrissie. She'd been put through too much at his hands and he wasn't going to burden her with anything else. So he stopped talking and waited for Chrissie's next question. 

"Even after we married, you couldn't stop yourself? You couldn't just be faithful to me? You couldn't stay away from _him_."  _Was I that awful?_ She added silently. 

>   _ **Once I exchange vows with her there's no way I'm cheating on her.**_

"I tried Chrissie. I really tried. It wasn't enough I know that but... There's no excuse. You're right- I couldn't stay away from him." Robert stopped there and scrutinised Chrissie's face but it was blank. _I can't read her like I can read Aaron_ , he thought.   
Chrissie took her time choosing her next question; she didn't know how much more she could bare to hear but she still wanted to understand so she asked him,  
"Was it worth it? Would you take it back?"  
Robert knew that if he'd been asked this in the immediate aftermath of the affair he would have answered immediately: _Aaron was a mistake._ _He's nothing to me. I love Chrissie. If I could go back and change it I would.._. Meaningless, empty words.  
Now Robert thought about it, determined to answer honestly: he'd told enough lies in the past, not only to Chrissie, but to Aaron, to Andy, to Katie- to himself as well.  
"Was it worth it? Yes. Yes it was. It wasn't worth hurting you... It wasn't worth hurting Aaron and Andy and Katie... But it was worth meeting Aaron. Loving Aaron. No, I wouldn't take it back. I'd do it differently of course, but would I? There's no use thinking like that. All I understand is that I know Aaron in a way that I never knew you, and he knows me better than anyone. God I know I hurt people, ruined their lives, but I've learnt a lot Chrissie. I'm not the man I used to be- I've changed. That would never have happened if I'd still been living with you up at Home Farm. I would have carried on as I was before, not knowing who I was and feeling so lost that I clung to wealth and other people's approval to define me. Aaron saved me, Chrissie, and in a way I think I've saved him. So yes it was worth it, worth it for him."  
Chrissie sat in silence, going over Robert's words in her head, the realisation dawning on her that she never really knew Robert, not the man underneath the mask.  
"Thank you for answering my questions Robert, and thank you for being honest, finally".  
Chrissie stood up, feeling stronger than she'd been when she'd entered the cottage seeking the knowledge that it wasn't her fault.  _Of course it wasn't my fault. He fell in love with someone else, that's all._  
"You'll hear from my solicitor about the divorce, don't worry, I'll be fair. Let's end this like adults, eh?" With that Chrissie left the cottage, left Robert behind. 

As Chrissie walked down the garden path she stopped when she saw Aaron who was walking towards the front gate. She noticed the confusion on his face, seeing her leaving Robert's, and she realised that she didn't hate the young man, she didn't blame him either- _he fell in love, that's all._ Chrissie acted impulsively: she clutched his arm as he nodded, 'morning' to her and she faced him.  
"Robert really loves you, you know that don't you? And you really love him. I guess I'm glad for you, in a way, because I've never seen love like it before".  
Chrissie then strode through the little gate, feeling lighter than she had in a long time. Aaron stood on the garden path for a while, considering what he'd heard and wondering what it meant. 

Robert answered the door and this time it was Aaron.  
"I just saw Chrissie on her way out... She said..."  
"She wanted answers, Aaron, and I figured she deserved them". Robert explained to Aaron what had happened, what had been said.  
"I guess you both needed closure." Aaron added when he'd heard it all, and Robert knew that Aaron had understood- _of course he understood, he's the wisest person I know_.

So Robert and Aaron spent the rest of the day together. They chatted, laughed, sat in companionable silence in front of the TV. Right now they were mates, maybe one day it'll be like it once was, maybe they'll be lovers again. They both knew that it would be different than it was before: better.

Chrissie went back to Home Farm, surveying all she had and recognising that her whole future lay ahead of her. Maybe she'll get with Andy, maybe she'll never be with anyone again- that was the exciting part- the not knowing.

At one point there had been love between Chrissie and Robert, but it was over now and finally they could both move on.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading x


End file.
